Day 82: Real Time
Day 1: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
OK, help me out here. I got on Facebook yesterday after a computer-less week at home, and started scrolling down to read what my friends have been up to. Several of them are active in topics of interest to me, such as the state of education, politics, or business in my community. Not mutually exclusive topics, I realize, but these folks usually concentrate on one or the other.
One who focuses on business and politics, though, posted a link to an article about a recent court decision. It was like someone threw a match on my head and I burst into flames. (Many of you who know me personally have probably seen this happen to me.) I immediately typed a comment that said, “Search for George Carlin’s final performance on YouTube. Enough said.”
I hit “Enter” and my words appeared magically on the screen for all my friends to read. And then I realized that I had complained, albeit through a back door into a room populated by everyone who knows about Carlin’s performance and his message.
Then I realized I was going to have to sit down here today and admit that I had to go back to Day 1 AGAIN.
Don’t I?
Would you categorize that as a complaint? Or am I being too hard on myself (which might account for the fact that I’ve been trying for 81 days to accomplish 21 complaint-free in a row.)
All I can do is recall Will Bowen’s words, though: If you think it might have been a complaint, it probably was.
Day 1.
(Unless enough of you weigh in otherwise).
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Day 81
Day 81: Real Time
Day 5: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
Before I left for last night’s mini-reunion of my writers’ group at a local restaurant, I consciously thought about how I might get into trouble with complaining once we all got together again. I planned how I was going to react by slowing down my response times during the conversations that were sure to swirl around the table.
And it worked. I listened more than I talked, and I didn’t interrupt with my own tales about trials I had faced since we had last seen one another. I didn’t get caught in the trap of jumping off from someone else’s complaint smack into a pool of my own muck, splashing everyone with the goop of communal grousing.
The result for me was a calmer evening. It was an enjoyable time with people who share similar interests, without rehashing the many difficulties we have surely all faced in the past year.
Day 5 ahead………..
Day 5: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
Before I left for last night’s mini-reunion of my writers’ group at a local restaurant, I consciously thought about how I might get into trouble with complaining once we all got together again. I planned how I was going to react by slowing down my response times during the conversations that were sure to swirl around the table.
And it worked. I listened more than I talked, and I didn’t interrupt with my own tales about trials I had faced since we had last seen one another. I didn’t get caught in the trap of jumping off from someone else’s complaint smack into a pool of my own muck, splashing everyone with the goop of communal grousing.
The result for me was a calmer evening. It was an enjoyable time with people who share similar interests, without rehashing the many difficulties we have surely all faced in the past year.
Day 5 ahead………..
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Day 80
Day 80: Real Time
Day 4: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
Do you think it’s possible to get too much information?
In this era of 24/7 news, the Internet, hand-held communication devices that seem to do everything but eat for us, is all this data necessary? Is it even good for us?
I don’t have the answers for you, but I do know how it all affects me. I become overwhelmed with the tragedies, the inequities, the just plain horror of so much that goes on in the world. Which only leads to the temptation to discuss it all, and that leads to much of my complaining.
How could all of this NOT lead to complaining??
I used to teach middle school social studies, and at the end of each year I surveyed my students about my abilities as a teacher. One bright young man told me I was “obsessed” with the news, as I made them watch the daily newscast for students that was transmitted into our school. I believed at the time I was instilling a valuable habit into their daily routines.
Now I’m not so sure.
Day 4.
Day 4: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
Do you think it’s possible to get too much information?
In this era of 24/7 news, the Internet, hand-held communication devices that seem to do everything but eat for us, is all this data necessary? Is it even good for us?
I don’t have the answers for you, but I do know how it all affects me. I become overwhelmed with the tragedies, the inequities, the just plain horror of so much that goes on in the world. Which only leads to the temptation to discuss it all, and that leads to much of my complaining.
How could all of this NOT lead to complaining??
I used to teach middle school social studies, and at the end of each year I surveyed my students about my abilities as a teacher. One bright young man told me I was “obsessed” with the news, as I made them watch the daily newscast for students that was transmitted into our school. I believed at the time I was instilling a valuable habit into their daily routines.
Now I’m not so sure.
Day 4.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Day 79
Day 79: Real Time
Day 3: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
My day was free of complaints, a day of affirmation and peace.
I had lunch with a young woman I have known for quite some time, although we had lost touch for a number of years until recently. As a matter of fact, her mother called me a month or so ago and invited me to the graduation party planned for her daughter, apologizing for the late notice. She went on to say that they wanted me to be there, even though we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other for about 5 years.
Their diverse extended family is large, yet very close knit. The food at their house is unbelievable, but, more importantly of course, their sense of unity is remarkable. And she was graciously re-establishing that tie with me, pulling me back into their orbit. I was touched beyond words.
Events like this are often overlooked in our daily busy-ness. We get so involved rotating on our own axis that we spin out of touch with the people who offer us comfort and security in a world that is increasingly neither.
I am thankful for that unexpected phone call, and hope to keep this young woman and her family closer in the future.
Day 3.
Day 3: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
My day was free of complaints, a day of affirmation and peace.
I had lunch with a young woman I have known for quite some time, although we had lost touch for a number of years until recently. As a matter of fact, her mother called me a month or so ago and invited me to the graduation party planned for her daughter, apologizing for the late notice. She went on to say that they wanted me to be there, even though we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other for about 5 years.
Their diverse extended family is large, yet very close knit. The food at their house is unbelievable, but, more importantly of course, their sense of unity is remarkable. And she was graciously re-establishing that tie with me, pulling me back into their orbit. I was touched beyond words.
Events like this are often overlooked in our daily busy-ness. We get so involved rotating on our own axis that we spin out of touch with the people who offer us comfort and security in a world that is increasingly neither.
I am thankful for that unexpected phone call, and hope to keep this young woman and her family closer in the future.
Day 3.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Day 78
Day 78:Real Time
Day 2: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
On the surface, it might seem that gaining acceptance in one’s life would mean accepting the fact that we complain. After all, it’s part of who we are (at least some of us), isn’t it? Shouldn’t we, therefore, accept that piece of our personal puzzle, too?
Hmmmm. Interesting thought experiment.
And after I experimented with that thought one morning in the early morning shadows, I found the deeper variable to the equation. If we are truly accepting of life, we accept the people and events that revolve around us as THEY present themselves. And if we are operating in the present moment, each frame of life is new, with no past and no future to taint our view.
Thus, we should have no need to complain. We cannot control, nor should we expect to control, how others live their lives. (This is why Will Bowen says that we should not take the liberty of calling someone else out when THEY complain. We all have enough to worry about with our own griping and grousing. )
Easy? Think again. It’s been one of the most difficult transitions to even get started within the scope of my daily walk through life. It has been even more difficult than not complaining.
I don’t anticipate ever being truly successful at listening to someone I’ve known a long time and hearing only the words they are speaking RIGHT NOW. No history, no future. Just right this minute. But if you give it a try, I believe you will find it an amazing experience.
Day 2, right this minute.
Day 2: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
On the surface, it might seem that gaining acceptance in one’s life would mean accepting the fact that we complain. After all, it’s part of who we are (at least some of us), isn’t it? Shouldn’t we, therefore, accept that piece of our personal puzzle, too?
Hmmmm. Interesting thought experiment.
And after I experimented with that thought one morning in the early morning shadows, I found the deeper variable to the equation. If we are truly accepting of life, we accept the people and events that revolve around us as THEY present themselves. And if we are operating in the present moment, each frame of life is new, with no past and no future to taint our view.
Thus, we should have no need to complain. We cannot control, nor should we expect to control, how others live their lives. (This is why Will Bowen says that we should not take the liberty of calling someone else out when THEY complain. We all have enough to worry about with our own griping and grousing. )
Easy? Think again. It’s been one of the most difficult transitions to even get started within the scope of my daily walk through life. It has been even more difficult than not complaining.
I don’t anticipate ever being truly successful at listening to someone I’ve known a long time and hearing only the words they are speaking RIGHT NOW. No history, no future. Just right this minute. But if you give it a try, I believe you will find it an amazing experience.
Day 2, right this minute.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Day 77
Day 77: Real Time
Day 1: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
This will be a short entry today.
Are you ready?
I simply MUST stay off Facebook, and absolutely should NOT share my comments to postings! I type as fast as I think and ,therefore, get myself into trouble expressing “opinions” about what I see on this addictive social networking site.
Or maybe I should just disable my “ENTER” key.
Day 1 again.
Day 1: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
This will be a short entry today.
Are you ready?
I simply MUST stay off Facebook, and absolutely should NOT share my comments to postings! I type as fast as I think and ,therefore, get myself into trouble expressing “opinions” about what I see on this addictive social networking site.
Or maybe I should just disable my “ENTER” key.
Day 1 again.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Day 76
Day 76: Real Time
Day 3: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
“In a New Yorker cartoon, Gahan Wilson shows two Buddhist monks seated next to each other, quiet, still, meditating. One is very old and experienced in the ways of mediation. The other is young and has a perplexed look on his face. It’s evident that he has just asked his more experienced mentor a question. The old monk’s answer to the question is: “Nothing happens next. This is it.”
I wish I could attribute the above passage properly; however, it is a page torn from a long forgotten book, page 323 actually that I carry around in my purse. These words speak loudly to me at this stage in my life, and it's too bad I can't give credit where it's due.
I have spent decades running from one task to the next. Stop and smell the roses? I never even knew roses came in an abundance of colors, and I certainly never bought myself any with the money I worked so hard for.
Things have slowed down for me, though, and I cherish the opportunities I have created to watch clouds and take in the scent of gardenias as well as roses in all their glory. I had to grasp the inherent wisdom behind trite phrases like, “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.” My daughter had that one pasted to her bookcase for years, but the words didn’t register with me until she left for college and the house was deadly quiet. I had wasted so much time being critical of…..well, just about everything….that I probably missed things that existed only once in all of eternity.
Sad. We’re always thinking the other side of something is better than where we stand right now. Many of us not only think the grass will be greener over there; we spend a lot of precious time trying to convince others of it, too. We seem to feel that we’re wasting time if we’re not a whirling dervish of activity, complete with a crew of like-minded folks.
What would happen in your life today if you adopted the elderly monk’s vision: Nothing happens next. This is it. Do you think you would enjoy this moment, and then that one, and the next one just a bit more? Accept things instead of attempting to control them, thinking that SOMETHING is always supposed to be happening?
Day 3.
Day 3: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey
“In a New Yorker cartoon, Gahan Wilson shows two Buddhist monks seated next to each other, quiet, still, meditating. One is very old and experienced in the ways of mediation. The other is young and has a perplexed look on his face. It’s evident that he has just asked his more experienced mentor a question. The old monk’s answer to the question is: “Nothing happens next. This is it.”
I wish I could attribute the above passage properly; however, it is a page torn from a long forgotten book, page 323 actually that I carry around in my purse. These words speak loudly to me at this stage in my life, and it's too bad I can't give credit where it's due.
I have spent decades running from one task to the next. Stop and smell the roses? I never even knew roses came in an abundance of colors, and I certainly never bought myself any with the money I worked so hard for.
Things have slowed down for me, though, and I cherish the opportunities I have created to watch clouds and take in the scent of gardenias as well as roses in all their glory. I had to grasp the inherent wisdom behind trite phrases like, “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.” My daughter had that one pasted to her bookcase for years, but the words didn’t register with me until she left for college and the house was deadly quiet. I had wasted so much time being critical of…..well, just about everything….that I probably missed things that existed only once in all of eternity.
Sad. We’re always thinking the other side of something is better than where we stand right now. Many of us not only think the grass will be greener over there; we spend a lot of precious time trying to convince others of it, too. We seem to feel that we’re wasting time if we’re not a whirling dervish of activity, complete with a crew of like-minded folks.
What would happen in your life today if you adopted the elderly monk’s vision: Nothing happens next. This is it. Do you think you would enjoy this moment, and then that one, and the next one just a bit more? Accept things instead of attempting to control them, thinking that SOMETHING is always supposed to be happening?
Day 3.
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