Nothing to complain about.....

The one year anniversary of my complaint-free journey slipped past me unnoticed about two months ago, the days on the calendar marching themselves right by me as they tend to do if we're not planted in the moment. It happens to all of us.

My life has taken new twists and turns since I last checked in with all who followed my trek to become a more positive, dare I say happier, person.  In order to catch up on all of that, you'll need to check in at http://agedtoperfectiondeborahhansen.blogspot.com/ , but it's enough to say that I believe I am both of those things today and have found some totally unexpected joys that keep me smiling.

Tomorrow I leave for a writers' conference in Baltimore. My goal? To generate some interest in my book manuscript, Nothing to Complain About: My 125 Day Journey to Become Complaint Free.  I self-published my first book on raising my daughter as a single parent, and that fulfilled my goal at that time. However, I have a really good feeling about this new manuscript.

So, with a couple of bound copies, lots of generic query letters, and no fear I hope to find a publishing house or agent who will at least want to look at it. You know I'll talk to anyone not nailed down, so that part won't be hard. It means, though, that I have to sell ME, and I think I'm more confident about my writing than I am about myself. Odd......

Send me all your good wishes and positive affirmations. I will feel your warmth spilling across my shoulders, and then pack it up and tote it with me.  Blessings until I return.

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth



The Complaint Free Journey Continues....

It's been a while since we've visited, hasn't it? And I know what you want to know: Am I still complaint-free?

In a word, NO. But it's similar to my weight loss conundrum. When I fall off the wagon, at least I know what to do now. And I fall off that wagon into a cesspool of complaining all the time, whether it's the small, irritating details of life conspiring to defeat me, or the major disappointments and concerns that face all of us as our admission tickets to even being here. I punch the ticket and gripe, but I hear myself do it as a result of my 125-day journey during 2010 to accomplish 21 consecutive days of NO COMPLAINING. And I quickly erect a bulkhead to my grousing before it goes on too long.

My goal during 2011 is to put this journey into book form and get it published. No small task there, right? Not an undertaking for the fainthearted, that's for sure, but I'm ready to wrestle it to the ground until someone out there yells, "OK! Send it to us already!"

Wonder if I'll complain along the way.

Post-21 Days

It has been nearly a month since I reach my 21 complaint free days. My journey continues, and I know what you want to ask me. I can see you struggling with it.

And, yes. I have complained since we last visited. But do I feel that I have failed in some way because of my missteps? Emphatically, no. For every spoken gripe there have been five or six that I have swallowed. The balance has definitely tilted toward the positive rather than the negativity I had been mired in for so long when I started this trek.

So, what has caused me to complain? Nothing different than your own grumbling and griping. I traded my ten year old car for a newer model. A phone company insists on billing me for services never rendered. Enough said?

My phone rang the other day and guess who was on the other end. Will Bowen himself, congratulating me for achieving my 21 days. Nice man. We talked a bit about my idea to put these blogs into book form, and he encouraged me to do so.

Wildflowers

You just never know who is watching, do you?  I'll stay in touch. 

Day 125

Day 125: Real Time

A new day

Day 21: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey                   


Well, it’s been a ride, hasn’t it?

125 days ago, on May 17, I slid my bracelet on my wrist and accepted the challenge to go 21 consecutive days without complaining.

Today I reached DAY 21.

During the 125 days, my father died and I joined a faith community….both on the same day.

During the 125 days, I withstood threats to my livelihood by a huge bureaucracy that got entangled in their own paperwork and silliness, and I wasn’t paid for nearly 4 months.

During the 125 days, I went to work for another huge company (to try to make up for the situation mentioned above) and was reminded that appearances don't always tell the true story.

During the 125 days, I faced some of the most difficult days as a parent, and my child is 26 years old.

During the 125 days, I once made it all the way to Day 17 without complaining, a gripe slipped out, and I had to retreat to Day 1 again.

And again.

And again.

This journey has been one of the hardest I have ever taken, and I’ve taken some hard paths before, believe me. I’ve learned more about myself than I ever anticipated, and I know I am a better person for it. Will I never complain again? I’m better but I’m not stupid. Of course, I will. But it will be less than before, and that’s all I can ask of myself.

Many of you have encouraged me every step of this very difficult way, and I thank you for it from the bottom of my heart. You know who you are. I also had to step away from other people who were injecting only toxicity in my life, and I hate that I  had to let them go. But perhaps we're all better off for it. Friendships sometimes run their course and we must acknowledge and honor that, before all the memories are poisonous, too.

Thank you, too, to Will Bowen for writing the book that inspired me to be a better version of me. (I'm sure my friends and family thank you, too!)

I can see now that some people might face this challenge willingly, yet never make it. I wouldn’t be surprised, nor would I judge them. It is still worth it to try. Your life will never be the same.

If you don’t understand that, take the challenge yourself.

I’ll be your mentor.

Day 124

Day 124: Real Time

Day 20: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey

I’m almost there. One more day. This time, my confidence is complete, my goal within my fingertips on the other side of this very day.

I have much to think about today. This journey has been significant, life-altering, important in ways I never anticipated. And I’m sure I’m no different than others who have reached this milestone, too.

I still have much to learn about dealing with people, with life, without judging and whining. I view this journey as one that will continue beyond tomorrow’s milestone. After all, isn’t that what a milestone is? A marker. A place to assess where we are, how far we’ve come.

Until the next one shows up along our path. There is always another one.

" The challenge of a life’s time, to choose to cultivate these capacities for learning, growing, healing and transformation right in the midst of our moments, is also the adventure of a lifetime. It begins a journey toward realizing who we really are and living our lives as if they really mattered.” Jon Kabat-Zinn, Coming to Our Senses.



 Day 20. Have you sent the invitations to my congratulatory party yet?

The gate

Day 123

Day 123: Real Time

Strength

Day 19: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey                   

I didn’t realize what I had done until a few hours later. My new neighbor had flooring put in her house and wanted me to see it. (She had unexpectedly found a floor of brick underneath the carpeting when she moved in…can you imagine THAT nightmare?)

Anyway, we oohed and ahhed her beautiful new wood laminate for a few minutes, as good neighbors do when required. When we walked back outside, she mentioned that she had asked the elderly lady on the other side of the common area for a recommendation for a lawn mowing service.

Now, this elderly lady and I have had some issues over the years. That actually went through my mind at that moment, but I skipped over that mental image and never mentioned it to our new neighbor. And I had some stories I could have told, believe me.

In other words, I have reached the final stage of becoming complaint free: Unconscious competence. As I’ve said before, I’m generally not too fond of maneuvering through life in an “unconscious” mode (my experience to date being that bad things happen when I don’t know what I’m doing), but in this case….it’s a good thing! Without even making the decision to refrain from sharing those wonderful stories about the elderly neighbor, I automatically kept them to myself.

And didn’t even realize it until about two hours later.

Two more days. You can start planning the party for me now if you’d like!

Day 122

Day 122: Real Time
Day 18: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey                     


I was rejected again this week.

Before you laugh and point and say that I’ve just complained THREE DAYS before I reach my goal, let me explain.

I was 10 when my first piece of writing appeared in print, an article about the Blue Angels in the base military newspaper wherever my dad was stationed at the time. Although that article was not a creative piece of work, the process of etching words onto paper (even if I have made the switch to typing them onto a screen) has always satisfied me in the way that nothing else does. (Well, now that I’m older than 10, maybe one other thing, but I’ll write about that and send it elsewhere, away from prying little eyes, not all of which belong to children.)

I wasn’t raised in a family that encouraged the free expression of feelings. So I learned to let my emotions drip out onto the paper, word by word, hurt by hurt, my pen or pencil the magic wand that took me away and then brought me back when it was safe.

For reasons not important now, I did not pursue my passion for words when I journeyed off to college, instead earning a degree in education. My writing waned for decades, the sheer busyness of life chewing up time and spitting me out in the process, until three years ago when I stepped off the treadmill and said, “ENOUGH!” I mortgaged my home, even more than it was at the time, and retreated back to sanity, my peace of mind more valuable than….well, anything.

It was then that I began to write again. I self-published a book about single parenting, primarily because it was important that I saw my work in print. More importantly, I embraced my emotional life once more, dismantling the filter that I had erected so long ago, ever since I had put the pen down nearly 40 years ago. In order to pay the bills, I write curricula and other types of content that is more “wordsmithing” than creative, and I consult in areas that I mastered while a teacher. But, in the early dawn or dusk of a day, I also write in ways that are very satisfying to me, that I find are necessary for me to remain at peace and coherent within the context of my life. That type of writing has filled up dozens of notebooks and flash drives that, if nothing else, will be my legacy to my daughter.

I stopped submitting my work for about a year, the rejection grating on my spirit after a few years. (I’ve entered enough contests to finance a small yacht ; yes, those contests cost money to enter), and answered hundreds of calls for submissions. One piece was purchased by Teacher Magazine, but that's it. So, for the past year, I wrote but I didn’t share it with anyone.

And then, last week I sent in three pieces of work. And got an immediate rejection via email on one of those. I’m still waiting on the other two.

BUT I am again taking the risk of sharing my words, my heart with strangers. Because when you stop and think about it, don't writers write in order to be read?
And it feels good. No complaints here.

Three more days! Where are we going to celebrate?