Day 12: Real Time
Day 1: 21 day complaint free journey
Day 12
Day One
I'm still on Day One but I think I'm seeing some progress. My head is engaged a bit earlier than my mouth MOST of the time.
I decided yesterday, though, that IF I can stop the complaint before it comes out, I will replace it with a positive affirmation of something. Anything.
I think my need to speak is so strong now (after years of not speaking at all, in fact I went all through college without ever joining in a discussion) that I simply HAVE to say something.
But since my habit has become to complain, I must fulfill my need to express myself by complimenting or praising instead.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. Let’s see how it works today.
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First let me send my condolences on the loss of your father. For any daughter this is a very emotional event...I have read all of your posts and am impressed with your tenacity! You go girl. Think I will look in our local library to see i there is a copy of this book!
ReplyDeleteYou have inspired me to get the negativity out of my life.
Thanks, Linda. Your comments mean a lot to me. The past month has been very difficult, and then I started the complaint free journey right in the middle of it. (What was I thinking??) But there is never a bad time to start becoming a more positive force in the world. Thank you for taking the journey with me!
ReplyDeleteIf you think a complaint and no one hears it is it a complaint? Yes, that's a complaint, if it has a material affect on you. This is akin to the tree in the forest knowing it has fell, even if no one heard it. It must have a material ("emotional") impact to call it a complaint. Otherwise, humans are full of neverending thoughts of no consequence, both positive and negative. That's not the same as a complaint.
ReplyDeleteIt is helpful to smile at people you meet, offer them a compliment, or open with a positive greeting as you meet and deal with people. Poorly worded, but here is my example. I love to visit Burger King. They know me like family, almost. I realized they never practiced a well-known good business practice, which is to say "Thank you" or even "Have a nice day", which they are trained to say. I decided to say "Thank you" each time I ordered. After a few visits to the Drive-Thru the employees began to say, "You're welcome"; plus the obligatory "Have a nice day." I never complained to management. I made a positive attempt to influence their behavior in a way I was sure would be acceptable to them. Thankfully, their parents had taught them well as children and subconsciously they began to offer the proper response. They feel better and I feel better. That's good for business!
Now, you deal with real problems everyday. Something akin to complaining has to be done to solve those problems. However, I know you and those you work with wish, and have the goal to be constructive, which we often lose sight of, without realizing this. I had a boss who taught me something very important. I went to him with many legitimate complaints, for most on-the-job complaints tend to be legitimate. It took a while to sink in, but here was his response, "What's your solution?" Great question. I had to learn two things from this repeated question. 1.) The first solution out of your mouth is often correct on the surface, but unworkable in reality. That's not a solution. 2.) I thought management was paid to find solutions and employees jobs were to implement solutions and pass along problems that arise (our complaints). His repeated question taught me everyone's job is to find solutions. Subordinates often forget this in the middle of trying to do their best work. Another thing he taught me was bringing a problem to him with potential solutions attached, even when the solutions were unworkable, put both of us on a higher level of dealing with the problem and put us on the road to a solution, if there was a workable solution. I learned a lot from a simple question, but it took a while to get this through my thick skull.
I hope these thoughts help you deal with becoming less complaining by converting you back to the constructive person I know you to be. I found it ironic that I was listening to Bruce Springsteen's CD "Born In The USA" when I opened your e-mail and arrived at your Blog. Those songs are all about complaining, which can be productive, if done in a constructive way. Both Bruce and you, Deborah, have given me pause for thought. I thank you!
Thanks, Wyman. I needed this!
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