Day 71

Day 71: Real Time
Day 15: 21 Day Complaint Free Journey


I received a message yesterday from a follower of this blog, asking for clarification of what a complaint really is. She had read a comment I posted on someone else’s update on Facebook and thought perhaps it was actually a complaint.

And therein lays the most difficult part of this journey.

Is any negative comment a complaint?

Can we share our thoughts and feelings without sliding down the cliff of complaining, without having to move our purple bracelets and starting over again?

My advice, STRONG advice, is that you must read Will Bowen’s book before you even contemplate going down this road. And then read it again. You might even get it on CD and listen to it in the car, more than once.

He makes the point, one of many that you need to know, is that we are each responsible for our own trip. We will have enough to worry about without wondering if someone else is slipping. And I don’t say this to admonish the person who messaged me. I say it because I believe that only the originator of a statement knows how their words are intended, how they made someone else feel, and how they themselves felt internally after saying them.

Here’s an example: I don’t consider this a complaint FROM ME: “The line is moving really slowly.” End of statement. I wasn’t feeling any negative side effects of the statement, and I don’t think anyone else was, either.

However, it becomes a complaint like this: “The line is moving really slowly. What the heck is wrong up there? This $#%@& business needs to train their people better…they’re all morons!” And my blood pressure rises the whole time I’m griping. I finish out of breath and heaven forbid anyone get even a tad too close to me before I get out of that store. Plus, everyone who is listening to me is being negatively affected by my rant.

In other words, my complaining is often the result of not knowing when to stop. I have a great deal of stress in my life right now, and I often find that I use innocuous situations as an outlet for frustration and fear. I go overboard. I fall off the cliff and my bracelet is lucky to even make it back up with me in one piece.

So, not every negative utterance is a complaint. At least I don’t believe it is. If that was the case, we would all have to become mute, wouldn’t we?

We need to monitor our own complaining, and do the best we can every day. I think this is the larger benefit than going 21 days (or 5 or 50) without complaining. We are aware of what we are saying and we are mindful of how we are affecting others and ourselves.

I’d love to hear what the rest of you think. But I do ask that you read “A Complaint Free World” first. Then we’ll talk.

Day 15.